Titilola and Teniola: Gossip Brought Us Together #LovedbyObiex
How did you meet each other?
Titi: We met on a Whatsapp group chat meant to reconnect 2go friends. We were just having random conversations in the group till we had to gossip about someone who was lying. I texted her about it, and from there, we started talking in the DMs.
Teni: I would just like to clarify that I am not a gossip oh. I was just confirming the gossip she brought to me. Thank you.
Titi: I hear you, ma. Anyway, we started talking more often, and I realised that our principles and lifestyles align, which is a polite way of saying she’s always copying me. But we didn't get very close till last year when life was showing us equal shege, and we became each other’s shoulder to lean on.
What was the moment you knew you had become best friends?
Teni: After we started talking and became more familiar, we realised we shared a lot in common, like our love for art and cats. Then we started sharing our life wahala and quickly found we could be vulnerable with each other. One day, it just randomly clicked that we were best friends.
Titi: It was so random. I saw a “share this with your best friend” tweet, and I sent it to her without even thinking twice. This yeye girl replied, “oh wow, I’m your best friend”. Somebody whose life I was helping, oh. Do you know her coursemates and schoolmates were surprised she had a best friend when I went to see her in school?
Teni: I just pitied her sha and decided to reciprocate the love. As we’ve reached this level of friendship, what more could I do?
Lol, congratulations to both of you. What’s a moment in your friendship so far that has touched you?
Titi: We had been planning a getaway for a long time, but we couldn't do it because we were broke girls.
Teni: What do you mean we were? Are we not still broke?
Titi: Lol, okay, that time we were poor. Now we are broke.
Do you know what that is? Growth! Bigger wins, I pray for both of you. Titi, please go on.
Titi: Thank you. So things took a turn for the good in November last year, and we had the opportunity to make the getaway happen. I live in Ibadan, Teni lives in Lagos, and we decided to have the getaway/mini vacation in VI. The day came, and this girl was late. She almost got lost, and I had to help direct her. So much for being a Lagos babe.
When we finally met, it was so nice. She brought me lollipops for my sugar cravings and a bunch of other nice stuff. I was so happy to see her, and we kept smiling at each other sheepishly. That cemented our whole friendship because, prior to that moment, it had been entirely online. Meeting her in person was really cool, a confirmation that she’s my person.
That’s very lovely. Teni, what about you?
Teni: I have a couple of them, but one for me personally is this particular time when I was having a quarter-life crisis. When I spoke to her about it, she didn't invalidate my feelings. She knew the right thing to say. She always knows the right thing to say and makes it easy for me to share my issues. Whenever I have panic attacks, she’s always the first person I text to help me through it. There are so many instances in our friendships that have touched my heart. Even the one she mentioned about meeting each other physically for the first time is a great moment for me. With her, I don’t feel the need to overcompensate; I can just be me.
Let’s segue a bit into a serious topic. Do you think the friendships you’ve formed in adulthood are more valuable than your childhood friendships?
Teni: As someone who has had a couple of childhood friendships, I’d say that adult friendships are more valuable to me. They are more intentional. When you become an adult, you can choose not to have people in your space or not to talk to someone or to ghost someone. When you now choose to be friends with someone and care for them, it is a conscious decision and that gives it a higher value than childhood friendships.
Titi: I don’t even talk to most of my childhood friends. With adult friendships, you can choose your friends. There’s a seriousness and playfulness to adult friendships that are just not there with childhood friends. With Teni and my other friends, we can talk about life dealing with us and keep checking on each other till life feels less heavy. Being able to make adult friendships work feels like finding gold. I’ll always choose adult friends over the ones from my childhood.
Speaking of making friendships work, how do you manage friendships now as an adult?
Titi: Wow, omo, to be honest, most of it is just winging it. There are days when I feel like just running away from everyone. When things are going on with me, I usually isolate myself till everything stabilises. But now, I’m learning to communicate and explain that I may be off or not very present for a while because life is beating me up. Also, rather than letting things die when I feel a friendship is falling off, I check in to see if we’re okay and can fix things to get back on track.
Teni: The way I manage my adult friendships is by being very upfront; what you see is what you get. I also try to give my friends a lot of grace because everyone is going through a lot, and not centre myself if they’ve been absent for a while or haven’t reached out to me. I try to put myself in their shoes, and it has helped me not to be a narcissistic or selfish friend.
I like how you mentioned that you give grace to your friends because life is always moving crazy, and I think that’s something more people should learn to do.
Teni: Yeah, because omo in this my short time of being an adult, I can definitely see why people just want to disappear.
Titi: Lol, I’m always disappearing on her sef, so I’m grateful she’s so understanding. But she has taught me to give her a heads-up before isolating myself or going ghost.
What’s something you really love about your best friend?
Teni: Her brain. It fascinates me so much. She knows how to do so many things. She can make clothes and make hair, and she’s one of the best UI/UX designers I’ve ever seen in my life. The way she decides to learn something and follows through with it is incredible to see. She’s also very good at calculations and science. She’s so good at anything she puts her mind to, and she has created so many beautiful things.
Titi: I love that she’s the voice of reason because I am a very unserious person. I love how she thinks things through. She’s very brilliant even though she never believes it. She writes so well too. I love how she expresses herself; sometimes, I envy that because I wish I could be like that. It’s a good type of envy, the type that makes me aspire to be like her. She also has this crowd-control ability and knows how to handle huge groups of people. Seeing her in her element always makes me so proud.
Adopt me as your 3rd best friend, please. Can you rate your friendship on a scale of 1-10?
Titi: Can’t it go up to 100? Anyway, I’ll give us a solid 8. The missing 2 points are because we are broke women. We don’t have money to explore our shared love for adventure and exploring new places and things. Once we achieve financial independence to the point we can afford our passions, we’d hit the perfect 10.
Teni: I’ll give our friendship 9.5. I’m taking out the.5 because we don’t get to spend enough quality physical time together. Even though I’m not a very clingy person, I’d love for us to spend more physical time together.